Hey, y'all. Check out these dogs. They are so weird. I've never really been one to give much thought about dogs, but these dogs are troublesome. I'm not sure what it is. It may have something to do with what happened to me the other day. I was out at my dad's only friend's dad's son's only friend's son's house when I decided to go for a jog and try out my new smiling technique. Not sure if I mentioned that before, I'm trying this new thing where I smile as big as I can for as long as possible to see if it has any sort of effect on my everyday routine. I've found that after about 4 days, actually smiling at something that normally gives me pleasure has become a chore and leaves my life a flavorless abyss from which I can not claw out of. So, I was trying that the other day while jogging and I came across a dog. The dog was rabid. I smiled at the dog (because I was doing my smiling experiment), but what I was really feeling inside was plain and utter fear. The dog growled at me, foam splattering out of its mouth from between its yellow teeth. I kept smiling at the dog but also screamed "Get the hell out of here, dog! Get the hell out!". A little girl walked by and saw this. I smiled at her and said "Rabid! Rabid!". The girl ran away and I'm glad she did.
Hey, Carlos here, with the latest (and first) post in our "Gimmicky Friday" Friday series. This Friday's gimmick is "Fuck You Postcard Friday". In the hypothetical world where this blog had a Fuck You Postcard Friday, I would sit down at my computer every Thursday night, fire up Photoshop, and have a postcard ready for you that somehow conveyed the message: "Fuck You!".
In this hypothetical version of bbClap, I'd give you these instructions:
-First, think of someone you think you're better than and who needs to know it. -Click on the pic below (to bring it up to Full Size). -Save to your desktop or something -Print it out on card stock paper, cut out the image. -On the back, do NOT write "Just kidding!" or "LOL". Just sign your name, and... -Put a stamp on the back right corner -Send that thing off
Then, after all that, one week later you'd find another Fuck You Postcard waiting for you, and if you were lucky, it'd bring you even more lolz. But, that won't happen. Next Friday I'll have a new gimmick...a new gimmick on..."GIMMICKY FRIDAY" FRIDAY!
Odds are, if you're reading this, you probably wrote this sentence and are as alone reading it as you were writing it. Boom Boom Clap has had a nice hiatus, and I'm positive I've lost all the readers we once had. Trying to post every single day was not a good idea. Not posting every single day seemed to turn out alright. But, you know, whatever. We're back. I think. Here's our a visual aid to kinda show you how this hiatus came about:
You might find it so difficult to remember me. Though, it is indeed, a very long time. On my singular, I am much delighted and privileged to contact you again, after couple of years now. It takes fate, courage and God's fearing to remember old friends and at the same time, to show gratification to them, despite circumstances that made things, not worked out as we projected then.
I take this liberty to inform you that, the transaction we were pursing together, finally worked out by God's infinite mercy and I decided to contact you, just to let you know. I have conscience as a human being, due to your tremendous effort and contribution to make things work out in retrospect. Meanwhile, I must inform you that, I am presently in LONDON for numerous business negotiations with some partners. I just arrived yesterday night and checked into a hotel and decided to go down to the hotel business centre to mail you. Now, with my sincere heart, I have decided to send you an ATM CARD, to the tune of USD$2.5M, only in your name as COMPENSATION to your dedication, humanity and contribution, as it were.
Contact my secretary now. Mr. Bewlschit Gname (Secretary) E-mail firstname.lastname@example.org
You are to forward to her, the following: 1. YOUR FULL NAME & ADDRESS 2. YOUR TELEPHONE NUMBER (If necessary) 3. YOUR UNCANNY ABILITY AND WILL TO SET YOURSELF UP FOR DISASTER
She will advise you further about the shipment of the ATM CARD to your Residence Address or Office Address you may provided. Feel free to reach her via the above email address. Your early response to that effect, shall be admired.
Prof BB. M Clapstein Former director SCAMex Emailing System Email: email@example.com ATX