ObamaTron: ACTIVATE

Don't say that I didn't warn you.

I didn't, but that's not the point. The point is that I don't need your crap right now, guys. I am on very lil' sleep because my partners, Birds-on-Fire and Mamahawk (pictured above in the basketball shorts), woke me up this morning with a News Flash.

And, being the kind of guy I am, I hung up on them.

They called me back and told me to get my shit together and that it was behavior like this that drove my wife away, the bitch. (I've never been married, but I like to tell stories about my "ex-wife, the bitch" because I think that one day I might write a book about a down-on-his-luck character with a bitch for an ex-wife, and it's just good practice, really...get off my back about it.

Anyways, so here's the scoop, you guys:

Late last night, Mamahawk and B.o.F. were playing the b-balls with our new President, Barack Obama. Halfway through their game of the b-balls, Mamahawk's new puppy, Tony, stopped by the court to say hello and hump hard.

The boys took a break from the game to pet the dog. Tony the dog immediately went to Obama's legs and started to hump them real hard like. BoF took a sip of his water and said:

Hey, Mr. President, isn't that the same kind of dog your daughters were asking for? Right? Man, they really wanted that dog for your move into the White House, saw it on the TV...did you find one yet?

Obama kneeled down and simply stared into the dogs eyes, holding the dog in place with one, large hand around its neck. Tony the dog just kept humping Mr. Obama with all his might, but Obama did not flinch...not even a blink.

Mamahawk did not like how Obama was just letting his dog hump him so hard, and humping hard he was, according to both my partners. So, he chimed in to break the awkward silence that Obama was creating...

So, you must be pretty excited about your inauguration tomorrow, Mr. President, sir?

Obama kept his cold gaze on Tony's lil' horny, canine eyes. Tony humped so hard, so very very earnest and hard.

Suddenly, Obama's eyes turned red, and a loud, electronic hum filled the air. Obama rose from his kneeling position with a pneumatic hiss, bringing the dog up with him. He held Tony up over his head, looked up towards the sky... and shot red lasers out of his eyes and into the night. He opened his mouth halfway and, without moving his lips, uttered in a cold-iron, robotic voice:

OBAMATRON... ACTIVATED. DOG...ACQUIRED. MISSION...COMPLETE.

Obama's Nikes transformed into rockets, I guess, from the looks of the picture that was taken.

According to BoF, when Obama had blasted off into the sky, he said:

PEACE...OUT.

Mamahawk, realizing he was going to lose his hard-humpin' dog forever, yelled up at Obama...

Hey, that's my dog, Barack!

Off in the distance, they heard ObamaTron's faint, robotic voice calling back to Mamahawk...

SUCK IT, he said.

Everybody started laughing and laughing and laughing for a very long time. BoF was rolling on the floor laughing (ROFL) and the other guys were laughing their asses off (LTAO).

As soon as it got quiet and they had wiped the tears from the corners of their eyes, BoF looked at Mamahawk, pat him on the back, and called him a "faggot".