Inventions for the modern day, unsuspecting, sharp-shooter

Dear Jack Bauer,

I thought of an accessory for you. You know how sometimes you're, like, running out of time all the time? And, sometimes you sacrifice everything EVERYTHING GOD DAMN IT for the safety of hundreds/thousands/millions of innocent Americans, and then you find yourself behind a dumpster about to take out the terrorist/corrupted official, which you have in your gun sights, but then you hear a click-click, meaning someone has snuck up behind you? Sorry, I know you're probably running out of time. I'll get to the point.

Well, I think it would be neat if guns had a sort of rearview mirror attached to the side of them.

...that way, if you were pointing a gun at some bad guy, you could see if there was some other bad guy (one who was more than likely the least expected person you'd ever think to be the bad guy) who might be sneaking up behind you to put a gun to your head...or, at least pistol-whip you into unconsciousness.

Or, if you have all the time in the world...one could use their new gun-mirror to see how bad ass they look as they get ready to blow someone's brains out.

Just an idea for you kind of people who are always so unsuspecting all the damn time.

You're running out time,
Boom Boom Clap

Ain't no shame in my game, y'all.

bb Clap, here:

First off, motherfuckers, I just wanna give a shout out to all the people in the world.

Every single last one of you motherfuckers up in this bitch we call "Teh World'. Teh world is a big place, and I wanna shout out at it. I wanna shout things like "I'm shouting" to all y'all. When I say "shout", you say "ing".

Shout-ing!

Naw mean? Fuck you if you don't. Peace.

(edit: That was my lil bro, bbcjr. I told him I'd let him get his bleegspeezy (blogspot) on with me.)

anyway, I, too, wanna give a shout out to all teh people in teh world, all the people in the world who ain't go no shame in their game. Heroes, if you will. Not the kind you find on NBC, but the kind you find on YTB....or, "youtube".

"baby's mommas dancing for they babies" heroes:



"pleasantly psychotic hippie" heroes:
(thanks to my lil cousin Lucas for sending this my way)

Stroke me, stroke me.

My friend, Michael, in my opinion, is stuck in a dead end job. Shh...don't tell him I told you that. Michael is an excellent painter who doesn't paint enough anymore because he's too busy making mileage reports and other kinds of reporty reports. So, I stole a jpeg of one his paintings off his website and made him a GIF-animation to teach him a lesson. Buy some of his stuff, make him quit his shit job.

New Music Video from BoF

Birds, here, with a brand es-spanking new Video de Musica for you.

Our Mother-Ship, Birds On Fire Filmsmiths, has just released its newest effort, a music video for The Black and White Years. The track is called "Zeroes and Ones". Hope you like it:

to watch in HD, go here: HD Vimeo BWY's ZnO's


The Black and White Years - "Zeroes and Ones" from birds-on-fire films on Vimeo.


just some fun (or maybe lame, if you're gonna be a dick about it) facts:

-The Black and White Years are from our hometown of Austin, Texas. Their album, The Black and White Years LP, is available from Brando Records.
-We shot this video on our friends', Barney and Alison, free-range chicken farm, justly named Barnison Farm.
-This video marked a first for many things, but the most fun was that it was a first for most the band members to shoot a gun.
-Although we had to rely on some very nice animation from BoF member, Joe Nicolosi, a lot of the "glowing" fx were actually practical effects brought out by using E.L. Wire and Retro-Reflective paints, vinyl, and fabrics.
-Since Retro-Reflective materials require that you place a light source on the same plane and angle as your camera (in other words, right next to your camera) in order to reflect back at your camera and create a glow effect, BoF laid most their lights to rest for the farm shoot and went with a more "Cops" feel...using an on-board camera/light rig and lots of hand-held camera work.
-E.L. Wire and Retro-Reflective materials are not easy to work with, no sir. But, we plan on working with both on larger scales soon, yes mam.

Get Inside My Time Machine, Me.

Ah, the ol' time machine. Yeahhh, the ol' so and so.

MAMAHAWK here.

So, what would you do if you could travel back in time? 

I have a fantasy of sorts...a time travel fantasy, if you will. Yeah, I wanna travel back to when I first thought about posting this blog, and then hit on myself. You know, get "self aroused". I'd sneak up behind me and start rubbing my shoulders, because I know I had a rough day today, so I'm sure I would appreciate that. Now, the important question is, would that be considered gay? Like, you know, homosexual? You know what I'm sprayin??

Anyways, I imagine I'd take my shirt off and maybe put on a romantic record, like that new Diana Ross record I got at the thrift store. I might make light chit chat about that funny thing that happened at the gas station this morning, you know, just to break the ice with myself. The hard part would be to make myself laugh and loosen up, but I am quite the charmer, so I'd give myself a little time to warm up to myself. Oh, I have that secret bottle of Jamaican Rum I've been saving for a special occasion, maybe I could pour some in a glass with a few chunks of ice, a squirt of lime, and toss in a light snack. 

Then, I'd turn off the computer and tell myself to "just relax, it's just me...you". But the important part here is to determine whether or not this is gay. See, I wouldn't continue if I knew I was committing a deadly sin. That shit would suck so so bad. I really don't want to go to Hell, I think it would not be so cool.   

Oh, I just arrived, gotta go. I am looking really good, where did I get that tie? Oh that's right, Mom gave that to me for my birthday last year. I'll consider the gay issue tomorrow, for now, I just want a little "me time". 

So lol. 

-MAMAHAWK'D. 

(worse case scenario imagined below)

Tangenitilia: Cheesebeezy in Paradeezy

BB Clap, here.

First, check out Grafield:



Secondly, this is my first installment of what I'll call "bbC Tangenitilia" and which you will like.

Basically, it's just links to stuff all inspired from something I copy n' pasted from the original source that I originally wanted to post about. Originally. Here we go:

"A haunted hamburger tries to get the best of Garfield.

Jim Davis tribute set to MIDI version of "Cheeseburger in Paradise" by Jimmy Buffett."

-dang, that may have been a totally stupid idea. You're not gonna click all those links...albeit utterly interesting links at that.

Meet Conrad THE pipe smoker

Capn Stubby says "Buckle up folks." We've got a lot of material to cover today.

Conrad is an Argentinian man who enjoys a good pipe smoke.



He enjoys videoing himself in different outfits with different pipes. Then he uploads these videos to youtube.



Here he introduces a new pipe in Spanish and English.



Over 6000 videos on his youtube account.
6000 videos.



6000 videos in about 8 months. That's 25 videos a day.



Look Mom! Two at once!!!



Pipes and Cigars coexisting!


This is the kind of person my dad would somehow be friends with. And Conrad would talk my dad into coming over to his house in the evenings and playing backup piano for the music portion of his videos. And every time Conrad got a new pipe he'd bring it over to show off.

you WILL love me.

BB Clap, here: with yet another GIF-animation/ present for you, form of Valentine.





I'll get past this phase. It's just temporary. Just for now, can you let me have this?

I want to make gifs, get off my back, Dad.

you think you know Germans.

bbC here:

Did you accidentally click on a link that brought you to yet another blog?

fuckin gross. Blogs are the worst.

But, wait. Before you go, can I interest you in something wonderful? Something special? Something insanely and daringly teetering on the brink of drama and comedy? Please, lift that finger off your mouse clicker. Just...hear me out. Look, you need to see this video. I found it somehow on Youtube a while back and I can't get it out of my head. This is the stuff of nightmares.

this is the stuff of dreams.

this is the stuff. It gets good after a minute and some change, so be patient.

Today's STABBING brought to you by the letters M and E.

bbC here, dudes.

So, three things:

1) I'm really pissed off at everyone in the whole world and I need a good Flea Market knife that is as close to 360 degrees of brutal stabbyness without being a gay Chinese Star (you kids call them Ninja Stars) or even the dreaded Chinese Star of David (the Kosher Killer from the East).

2) I want to develop a kid's show where I put animated cartoon eyes on the nearest thing next to me while I'm developing said show.

3) I'm really into making animated GIF's these days.

edit: I'm just now realizing that this post title is very similar to the one CAPN STUBBY posted yesterday. Maybe I'm in love with him. I hope not.

P is for Pretentious

CAPN STUBBY, here:



Paste Magazine is showcasing "An Indie Rock Alphabet Book"

You know, for kids.

I guess it's a little strange that Pearl Jam is in there, and Radiohead too really. The other bands seem to have more indie street cred.

The art is kinda cool though. The caricatures of each band member are so simplified that the only way to tell them apart is the haircuts. Which makes complete sense.

...by day he's a mild mannered stand up comic

Terry Braverman kills for your corporate functions. Watch as your sales, and your teamness go right through the roof.

12:00 12:00 12:00, etc...

Birds, here.

this means nothing.

just wanted to see it.

so, there it is.

-anyway, that reminded me of this other lil thing that I made once as a lil tribute to the ending of The Catcher in the Rye. Then, that reminded me of this Bodi Bill song that I really like. Check it:

	bodi-bill-i-like-holden-claufield.mp3
	Found at skreemr.com

-Or, via their pretty cool vid for the song on vimeo.

CAPN STUBBY here:

I really like the Andy Griffith Show. It's solidly written television and if you don't like it, then I'm going to go ahead and make a judgment about your private life.

I think I like this video.

You're just a Country Dream, IMO.

Hi, my little Country Dreams. Birds-on-Fire, here:

Since bbC has posted some longerish posts these last couple of days, I'll just leave you with some shawties.

-Been really digging the music from French dudes, I Love UFO...via these other dudes.

This I <3 UFO video has been out for a while, but it didn't really get much of wide release. So, here you go...

(pardon the very short, but annoying Daily Motion Ad at the beginning...they gotta pay their bills somehow, I guess...and it's the best quality embed I could find)

-I Love UFO "Like in the Movies" Music Video by Antoine Carlier

Like in the movie - I LOVE UFO
by RECORDMAKERS

-and, as a bonus, I've included another music video (per Mamahawk's request) for you to get stuck in your head and hum all day long. This one by my main man, TAMECHI.

edit: Tamechi, as well as being a singer/performer is also a fashion designer and hair stylist who has been around a while. According to his myspace, he invented Hammer Pants! What a country dream.

Hasta la vista, Clever Post-Title Generating Robots.

bbC here, y'all.

So, here's just a short one for you snapperwhippers, I'm just gonna give you two MP3's to listen to, so keep reading. I know you're really busy working at a job that requires skills that will do you absolutely no good, and are in fact probably counter-productive, ironically, towards your survival in the event of the apocalypse you so secretly burn for.

you:


With that, I must mention the Christian Bale mp3 that I'm sure made its way into your life yesterday. If not, here it is:

Xtian Bale Xplicit Motivational Speech MP3

in short, Bale got into it with the D.o.P. of the new Terminator sequel and said "fuck" more than once.

Anyway, another mysterious Bale recording has surfaced in my Inbox this morning. The sender was addressed as "the_future_sucks@thefuture.killyou".

The Future is so gay.

Here's the recording of John Connor/Bale/T3000. Apparently, a Christian Bale Cyborg/stunt-double had an altercation with the Cinematographer-Cyborg on the Cyborg Set about some cyborg stuff.

Terminator IV vs. Cinematographerborgtron MP3

My favorite part about the whole thing is that with as intense as he was, and as ripped as we know he is, at moments he sounds like he for sure has tears in his eyes. Reminds me of this kid I was friends with growing up that would cuss and yell at his parents to show how tuff he was, but his voice would start to crack and he'd start to cry...and then his Dad would wink at me as if to say "Look at this fucking pussy you hang out with".

Also, I like the way he says "Idear" when saying "idea"...makes it endearing, (non-intentional pun...is that a pun?)

Well, that does it for me. I gotta go to the Future. It's always about the Future all the time.

p.s. That was not short at all, was it? What the hell time is it? 5 am? Get outta here with that 5 am stuff.

Personalized Hate Mugs

boom boom clap here, with another sweet ass gift for you:

Personalized mugs.

Didn't invent them, just wanna improve them.



Sometimes a mug that says your buddy's name with a Six Flags logo underneath it just isn't enough. Sometimes you want to not necessarily tell your friend where you've been and that you were thinking about them, but rather, that no matter where you've been, you kinda think they're pretty much a dick.

or a piece of shit, or a total cunt.

So...there you go.

I guess my gift to you isn't really concrete, it's just an idea...you'll have to execute it yourself. Go to the mall, find a kiosk that personalizes stuff, pick a friend, personalize some hate. I do it all the time. Here's the latest thing I designed at the local mall's personalized-merch kiosk:

(note: we didn't get past the designing phase...the Kiosk guy apparently didn't have time for my "faggoty bull-mess")