Jimmy? Hey, Jimmy? Jimmy, where you at? God damn Craigslist-hired Production Assistants. I guess I have to continue typing my own countdowns, for pete's sake. I mean, seriously, my own god damn countdowns! Jimmy, I'm gonna slice open your...
Jimmy? Thought I heard him come in. Jimmy? I need to put a cow-bell around his neck.
Note to self/Jimmy: forced cowbell usage on P.A.'s and sneaky people in my life, is this a good idea or just an old forgotten one/illegal one? Also, remember to ask Jimmy if he can hear my words as I type them. Is that a dumb question? Ask Jimmy.
Never mind, Here's a countdown brought to you by me, I guess.
5...
4...
3...
2...
1...
(Jimmy, this is where you would have cued the following: a flashing, break-neck quick montage of eons and eons of painful, screaming, violent, dripping, bloody, smelly, impossibly improbable evolution of life on earth, from soupy minerals and one-celled organisms all the way to a hairy caveman cramming seeds into soil with his beautiful opposable thumbs and a stick...but, you're not around, are you, Jimmy, you dick?)
blast off! (play video below as you say "blast off" to yourself)
Posts
2 comments:
FUCK JIMMY! i am available to intern, and i can paint faces and make balloon animals.
you're hired. Your first assignment is to make balloon animals of dollar signs and paint dollar signs on your face cus you're now gonna be rich! Rich with encouragement and friendship. Real money will only complicate things. We don't have real money, by the way.
Post a Comment