My most humble regards to graciously steal your money

Dear Reader,

You might find it so difficult to remember me. Though, it is indeed, a very long time. On my singular, I am much delighted and privileged to contact you again, after couple of years now. It takes fate, courage
and God's fearing to remember old friends and at the same time, to show gratification to them, despite circumstances that made things, not worked out as we projected then.

I take this liberty to inform you that, the transaction we were pursing together, finally worked out by God's infinite mercy and I decided to contact you, just to let you know. I have conscience as a human being,
due to your tremendous effort and contribution to make things work out in retrospect.
Meanwhile, I must inform you that, I am presently in LONDON for numerous business negotiations with some partners. I just arrived yesterday night and checked into a hotel and decided to go down to the hotel
business centre to mail you. Now, with my sincere heart, I have decided to send you an ATM CARD, to the tune of USD$2.5M, only in your name as COMPENSATION to your dedication, humanity and
contribution, as it were.

Contact my secretary now.
Mr. Bewlschit Gname (Secretary)
E-mail carlos.boomboomclap@gmail.com

You are to forward to her, the following:
1. YOUR FULL NAME & ADDRESS
2. YOUR TELEPHONE NUMBER (If necessary)
3. YOUR UNCANNY ABILITY AND WILL TO SET YOURSELF UP FOR DISASTER

She will advise you further about the shipment of the ATM CARD to your Residence Address or Office Address you may provided. Feel free to reach her via the above email address. Your early response to
that effect, shall be admired.

Prof BB. M Clapstein
Former director SCAMex Emailing System
Email: carlos.boomboomclap@gmail.com
ATX

Drugs.

Druuuuuuuuuuugsssss.

Gutenberg spinning like a lathe

THE WORST TYPOGRAPHY IN THE HISTORY OF TYPOGRAPHY!

Just exactly which part of this sign are you supposed to read first? 24 Hour? Fitness? Lance Armstrong? Sport?

Should it be Lance Armstrong's Sport Fitness: Open 24 Hours?

2 Hour 4?

It just comes out awkward no matter how you say it.

I feel sorry for their receptionists. They probably have to spit out that word salad everytime they answer the phone.

Fucking Post #185

God damn, boy, shit. Where have we been? Had a hard time keeping up with posts this summer. Mostly we've been in Santa Cruz working on some new stuff. Here's a sample:

bbClap's Cat

I received an email today that made no sense in any of these possible ways that things emailed to me could make sense:

1) The Subject Line: "Yoo-hoo, I'll make you famous" (a quote from Young Guns or Young Guns II, can't remember which) when in relation to:
2) The subject of the email itself:, something about me and quantum theory and dead cats
3) The Sender: Albert Einstein:, a man whose many contributions into the present social psyche include his current state of being completely dead.
4) The email's time-stamp: April 4th, 1950, this being what bothered me the most, in that, while every other thing can bother me up to a certain point until I can dismiss it as a hoax or a lie, the time-stamp on Google's Gmail system would most certainly not be easily hacked to represent a date that existed before Google or emails or the internet, and try as a hacker might, the following would most certainly not be fucking worth it:

"Dearest Boom Boom Clap Blahg,

You are the only contemporary physicist, besides Laue, who sees that one cannot get around the assumption of reality, if only one is honest. Most of them simply do not see what sort of risky game they are playing with reality—reality as something independent of what is experimentally established. Their interpretation is, however, refuted most elegantly by your system of radioactive atom + amplifier + charge of gunpowder + cat in a box, in which the psi-function of the system contains both the cat alive and blown to bits. Nobody really doubts that the presence or absence of the cat is something independent of the act of observation.

Aaaanyway, just wanted to say what up.

peace,
Albert Einstein"

YouTube Scour Hour 3

Welcome to bbClap's latest installment of YouTube Scour Hour, in which the following rigorous process is applied:

1) I get onto YouTube
2) a few minutes go by
3) depression sinks in
4) I copy and paste the embed code so that I can move on with my life

Anyway, here she is. I get this video. I really do. I understand the choices the artist was trying to make, right down to the sound effects dubbed over. The Beavis thing does come out of nowhere, but that's okay, no less, and no more, could be expected. Welcome to...

Get a load of this.

Check it out, y'all. So, today I'm walking down the street when I get hit by a large piece of shit. Yeah. Yeah. A piece of shit was thrown at me from a moving vehicle. Worst part about it wasn't that it was definitely human feces, but that when it hit the back of my head it was still warm, that was the worst part for me. The freshness of it all, which makes me think, this wasn't really planned all too much ahead. You can wake up one morning, get high with your friends and suddenly come up with the idea that it may be fun to shit onto some toilet paper laid out on the floor, wrap it up, and take it with you in the car. But, it's another thing to see a dude walking down the street, the sight of which makes you so angry that you decide to shit then and there, in your hand, turn around, and chase him down.

I should stop here. That didn't happen to me. What really happened is that IT HAS BEEN OVER A WEEK SINCE WE LAST POSTED.

Summer Fun with Girls and Boys

Another day, another 80's video. But, this one is an honest effort, so watch it, ya jerks. It means well and the chorus is tight.



via awful vision

Vimeo is better than you? Tonight on bbC.

Birds-on-Fire's new show-reel, part II

Birds-on-Fire Show Reel '09 from birds-on-fire films on Vimeo.

Hey, bbClap here. I know BoF posted Birds-on-Fire's new show-reel somewhat recently, but I uploaded it to Vimeo and I think Vimeo just looks better and sorta kinda wish that BoF would stop emailing YouTube versions of our work around to people, BoF, you dick.

love ya, pal.

Anyway, hope you liked it, if you hadn't seen the other version before.

Checkin' in with the Kattmeister

So, I thought I'd do a lil checking in with the "always-descriptive-with-his-names" Phil Thomas Katt, a fellow Music Video Director and (according to his autobiographical time-line on his website) radio personality who once faked his own death in 1986 as a publicity stunt to push his album "Nine Lives" in skating-rinks and record stores across the land (Pensacola, Florida-ish). The Unchartered Zone, a Music Television Show and awesome website, gave me the info I craved.

I found this patriotic (to Americans, whom are perhaps Patriotic) music video that he directed, which I hadn't seen before. Check it out:


via UZ's youtube channel

One thing that I really admire about Katt is the way he prices his music videos. I, and BoF for that matter, could never get away with his pricing system. Basically, Katt charges by the cut. What do I mean by "charges by the cut", you ask? If he has to cut one shot and dissolve into another shot, that's a cut, and that'll be extra money. However, you can purchase the "5-Clipper", which gives you up to five "clips" for about $100, or you can break that down (as Katt did for you simpletons on his website) to $20 a clip.

But, bbClap, what is a "Clip"? Well, I think they're what are also known as "scenes", or perhaps it's the act of cutting to and from different scenes that is considered to be a Clip. Here's a direct copy-n'-paste from Katt's Production site, explaining the five things that a clip may be:

Clips:

-Can follow a story line with actors and/or the artist playing parts.
-Can be cool scenes inserted around the song
-Can be models looking good throughout the Music Video
-Can be different angles of the artist performing

Actually, I really have no fucking clue how Katt's pricing system works. I really don't. But, I agree that a clip can be models looking good throughout the Music Video, I get that, I'm with that. Also, I do know that Katt Productions puts Intro and Outro credits, or titles, on your video for no extra charge. So, that's cool.

Whoa, where've YOU been?

We haven't posted in a while. BoF has totally gone ape-shit AWOL, and Capn Stubby is off squeezing out his seed across the land.

What's all this mean? Well, if it ain't broke, do as the Romans do. So I did, and here is the result: Hello.

Well, here's another video from the guys over at Sick Animation:

The Suicidal Sun, a greeting card series

Hello, Darkness, I'm your old friend. I've made you a present.



This greeting card is for you to share with your loved ones. It's based on a sculpture I tried to make out of styrofoam in college. I gave up on it cus it was hard to make a 10 foot sculpture out of styrofoam when your only drive to make it is the quickly dissolving notion that it may be a little humorous to see a cartoon sun putting a gun to its head. After you've inhaled a bunch of styro-dust and you can't figure out how to make the sun's arms stand on their own without snapping under the weight of its styrofoam gun, you suddenly start to realize that one day your organs will betray you and fail you and you will die, so you then put down your large file and sandpaper-block and you go outside, get a cool drink somewhere, and if you're lucky, stick your wiener in a hoo-haw.

aaaanyway, go 'Stros!

-BoomBoomClapenstein

a million people can't be wrong

what the hell? This video has over a million views and up until now I was not one of them. Were you? Well, now you are:



So, gang...what the fuck is up with that? Cobras and babies? So, this is okay to do? I guess so. Going to sleep now, knowing the truth about cobras and babies...which is that they DO mix. Thanks. Bye.

New Birds-on-Fire Show Reel

Birds, here.


music track: About "Think Niles Drink"

My collaborators and I (Birds on Fire Filmsmiths) have recently cut a new Show Reel, and just in the nick of time really. With bbClap off in NY doing getting his "Office Situational Comedy" on and having not brought the rest of us along for the ride, we decided to cut a new reel with some of our newer work (still has some of our older work on there too).

Anyway, hope you like it.

Democracy is cool

this video, it rules:

High FIve while you Deep Dive, bro.

dudes, bbClap, here.

So, I've been doing some spring-cleaning on my computer. Found some old stuff and I thought I'd share it with you.

-The annual Fuck Justice Reatreat for Attorneys and Paralegals. You going this year? Last year was a blast!

(I actually don't remember why I made this. No idea. I remember photoshopping it kinda, but that's it. Not sure who that dude is in the picture, think it's my brother's ex-boss??)

-High Five whilst you Deep Dive. With your bros.

(This is the gayest image that ever popped into my head, two good buddies or "bros" doing it and high-fiving each other in encouragement. Had to draw it out. You understand.)

-Please, Sir, don't be a jerk.

(hmm, another one whose initial motivation to create it I am uncertain of)

Philly's Phinest

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

while the cat's away, us mices will play

hey, guys. So, I haven't heard from bbClap in a while (aside from an email he sent me after my last post telling me it was "lame" and that I was a total "dickface"), guess he's doing alright out there...in the world.

Anyway, I know this isn't the kind of stuff bbC would post, but you have to realize that I don't really give a shit. Where's Capn Stubby, by the way? Holler.



via bedazzled

Top 100 Videos since Christ has died, Christ has Risen, Christ will come again

Hello, BoF here. To clear the air, no, I'm not going with bbClap to any Vh1 meetings about his show "Work Sucks". I'm not involved in that endeavor. Sure, we write for the same blog sometimes, but I have no interest in office humor.

Like I told bbClap, "The only thing that sets apart your "workplace sitcom" from all the others is that it has a talking, horny ceiling tile that wants to give blowjobs to people"

he said "Uh, yeah...I know to-the-power of Duh."

What an asshole, huh?

Anyway, while he's gone to New York, I decided to make a list of music videos for the readers of this blog. I feel we're gonna owe it to you. Because, and I may be wrong, I have a feeling bbClap is either not going to keep up with his usual posting, or he's going to only post "updates" from his adventures with trying to set into motion a sitcom whose only redeeming quality is that it has a character that is a ceiling of an office who is, for whatever reason, alive and, worse, horny.

Godspeed, bbClap, you don't deserve any of this, but that's not gonna stop you.

anyway, enjoy these videos, this should tie us over for a while:

Naive New Beaters "live good"

Department of Eagles "No one does it like you"

Future of the Left "The hope that house Built"

Liam Lynch "Goat Rap"

A2 "Tea with the Queen"

Peter Fox "Alles Neu"

Late of the Pier "Heartbeat"

Black Lips "Katrina"

Peter Bjorn & John "It don't move me"

Fever Ray "If I had a heart"

White Lies "Death"

Fever Ray "When I grow up"

De Staat "Evolution"

Kasabian "Vlad the Impaler"

You! "I hate you"

DeichKind "Luftbahn"

"My Horny Ceiling", a TV Character?

Hey, gang, bbClap here. Awesome news for you today!

(a graphic we used for the pitch session of our new show)

I don't really have much time to get into it, but I wanted to let y'all know that we recently got the green-light from VH1 to begin development of our TV Show, "Work Sucks". They've ordered a Pilot and 6 episodes to start off with. As I may have reported here or at our Birds-on-Fire website, we've been working on this show idea for 10 long years. "Work Sucks" is a new office-place sitcom about the relationships in the workplace and all the hilarity that ensues. It's actually pretty spectacular.

The Pilot of Work Sucks (tentatively titled "Suckin') develops two of the main characters, Bob, a young, snarky drone working out of a cubicle, and Roofus, an entity that is literally the ceiling of the office - who for some reason is very much alive and can talk, and, much to the dismay of Bob, is very horny.

Bob has to deal with the usual work-environment hoopla: office politics, the broken coffee machine, his aloof boss, the beautiful co-worker... all while also having to dodge the very blunt and indecent proposals made by Roofus, most of them ending with requests that Bob put his penis inside any and all holes that happen to be in the ceiling tiles. Needless to say, Bob's job ain't gettin' any easier! Get ready for a zany look into the unexplored territory of the modern workplace, and ceilings that wanna suck it.

Anyway, just wanted to let you guys know that we're still out here, fighting the good fight, to bring you quality television. Wish us luck, buddies!

Hero of the Guitar

sometimes, y'all, you gotta remember to never forget nothin.

peace, I'm out, mother fuckers.

from Point A to Point Wiener

cinco de mayo->mexico->swine flu->pig's are smarter than dogs->wiener dogs->this video

pretty good knock-knock joke

Title says it all, I've got a pretty good knock-knock joke for you, scoured from the indescribable (if you're lazy) depths of Youtube and surfaced to you with an effort so indescribable that I'm not even gonna go there, sister.



please do check out more great ass shit from Sick Animation by clicking the link I used utilizing html technology that allows me to just highlight a word and insert a link, the words in this example are "Sick Animation" and the web address I used was www.sickanimation.com, but the wonderful thing about it is that I don't have to tell you that, I can just provide a link, it'll be blue and underlined and you'll know it's a link because you're not a fucking idiot, or the chances of you not being a fucking idiot but just not really understanding the internet and just somehow stumbling across my blog and sticking around to read all this are pretty slim, so I'll take my chances, you mother fucker.

Turn off the Internet

Hey, guys. Let's turn off the internet. Seriously, this is getting ridiculous. It was fun for a while, but we need to let it rest up.

The Internet needs to rest up for a sec. Come on.

Just TURN OFF THE INTERNET, damn it.

Meet you in the car, k? Just click that link and let's get this over with.

you're embarrassing me,
-boom boom clap

Exclusive Interview with Bebe Rico & a Computer Vagina

Whoa, this just in, guys: We have an exclusive interview with Bebe Rico. Who is Bebe Rico and who the hell are we? I'll get to that below the video, but for now, check it out, World:



Let me break down the sentence "we have an exclusive interview with Bebe Rico" using one of my legendary mother fuckin legends (like map legends, you know?)

----LEGEND----
we = Boom Boom Clap + people w/ internet
have = copy n' pasted embed
exclusive = found it on Youtube somehow
interview = I have no idea what is being said, something about shampoo?
Bebe Rico = it's that dancing baby and maybe it's like a shampoo mascot or something, fuck you, you figure it out. Judge me? Shit, I don't think so, asshole. I got two years left til I retire from this shit hole and...

also, I think I found Bebe Rico's recorded birth on Youtube, too. Check out computer vagina:



more Bebe Rico on youtube

I can identify with other humans

The bittersweet pangs of nostalgia that ring through one's soul when they come across sounds or visuals, pieces of recorded history - a song, a video, the like - that calls back to youth so green and fresh that taking them for granted is as saddening and ironic as it was necessary and inevitable, were not brought about by watching this video below.

I can not seem to identify with this on any sort of level. None. Fuck, I've tried. Well, except for one... I do realize how awesome it is.

I am not stupid, the movie, and the statement.

Hey, dicks.

Just kidding. That was unnecessary.

Moving on, today's post is simple, brought to you by Andy Best Electronic, bring you best electronic to home and stereo for car and home.

ride 2geths, die 2geths, Boom Boom Clap 4 life,
-bbClap

He's just a poor boy from a poor family, you guys.

I see a little silhouetto of a man,
Scaramouche, scaramouche will you do the fandango?
Thunderbolt and lightning-very very frightening me-
Galileo
Galileo
Galileo galileo
Galileo figaro-magnifico-
But Im just a poor boy and nobody loves me-
Hes just a poor boy from a poor family-
Spare him his life from this monstrosity-
Easy come easy go-,will you let me go-
Bismillah! no-,we will not let you go-let him go-
Bismillah! we will not let you go-let him go
Bismillah! we will not let you go-let me go
Will not let you go-let me go
Will not let you go let me go
No,no,no,no,no,no,no-
Mama mia,mama mia,mama mia let me go-
Beelzebub has a devil put aside for me, for me, for meeeeeee...

Smells like dirty Sax

My brother, Momahawk, recently pointed out that these queer boat captains covered this song, replacing the sax solos with wanked-out guitar riffs.

Aaaanyway, enough of that. Hear the original right here below. Smell the sax on this smooth ass jam.



When I hear this song I always imagine an anonymous hotel somewhere that is connected to an airport, it's 1980-something, cut to: INTERIOR - HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT, where an airline pilot is making sweet love to a married flight attendant (only, in those days, she would have been a "stewardess"), they make love for hours, order some room service, drink champagne and eat fruit, do some blow (although she doesn't really approve of him doing cocaine, she does it anyway cus it makes him thrust that much harder) and they make more sweet love, her memory of her husband fading if only for one more night before the 9:30 flight back to Newark...

Vlad, the literal Impaler

Birds-on-Fire, reporting live from the bbClap.

Just wanted to share this video with you. I think it's excellent, but I'm not sure what you'll think about it. Let me know.


Kasabian - Vlad the Impaler from Kasabian on Vimeo.

Sketch Drama by Brandon Hardesty

Capn Stubby, here:

As a dude who spends a lot of time behind the camera it makes me ecstatic to know that there are people out there like Brandon Hardesty in front of it.

Brandon reenacts scenes from your favorite movies and then posts them to youtube. His gimmick? He's good at it.

Ten pages of angry contemptuous dialogue from Glenngary Glen Ross? No problem.


Attention you disgusting fatbodies! You are in a world of shit!


A quick visit to Shermer, Illinois.


Nerdier bloggers would post his Dark Knight, Pulp Fiction, and Clerks vids. I'll let you find those for yourself.

Instead, have 12 Angry Men.


And last one from Fargo

I'm gonna Roundhouse Kick you, by the way.

Never, ever, ever say out loud what I just wrote in the "title" of this post to an enemy you are about to Roundhouse kick.

Hi, there. I'm bbClap, famed advice-giver to the Stars*.

I wanted to speak to you today on the subject of Roundhouse Kicks, and, inadvertently, my cousin, Diego. My cousin Diego was roundhouse kicked by me yesterday (that's how I got from A to B on that whole "inadvertently" claim).





Diego is a dickhead. In short, he is my older cousin and I used to respect him because I am weak and, by default, I respect people who just so happen to have been born before me. Diego, in a nutshell, held two fingers horizontally (his right pointer finger coupled with his right middle finger) up to my nose so as to give me, I thought, a whiff of the sex he had had the night before. Then I remembered that he and I and a bunch of his friends went to see a movie the night before, not to mention that not one of us are female, or "vagina-havers" as my father used to call them.

Anyway, back to his fingers... the smell was sharp and violent much in the same that consensual sex isn't. I said to him:

"Ah! What is that?"

"I have no idea. Just woke up and it smelled like that."

"What smelled like that, your fingers?"

"No, my balls."

Suddenly, I had a flashback to the night before. He had convinced me to see The Knowing because it apparently had a cool plane crash scene in it, so naturally it was a solid argument to me. As you can imagine, it was a terrible movie. I spent nearly $20 with movie ticket and a medium diet coke. That anger, when mixed with the horrible smell he put into my nasal cavity, produced a beautiful roundhouse kick.

I'd do it again. I will do it again. Do you know how to Roundhouse Kick, Mom and Dad? It's as easy as 1-2-3, etc, 7.

yours,
bbC

*1. Not Hollywood Stars, but more like I just look up at the sky at night and give advice to the stars. You know, stuff like "Hey, y'all stars should totally just disappear one night simultaneously and not return for a few days just to fuck with people a lil bit".

this website features graphics, you guys.

bbC, here.


Capn Stubby recently tried to convince me to take my Fila shoebox of sweat-laced (and I mean sweat, boy) gold chains to L and L Enterprises to see what percentage of my gold it is that causes green discoloration of my skin (that's chest and neck skin). CS thinks it's probably a high percentage, I just think that the green means it's working and that I'm probably sweating, which is an indication that I'm either working out, or I'm clubbin', either of which will probably get me laid...which equals more sweat.

Did I mention I'm hairy?

Anyway, I went to L & L's website, but didn't get past the home page.
(Eddie Lofton)

There is a pleasantly long video there of owner, Eddie Lofton, talking about some stuff. What stuff? I don't know, there's something about his voice and the manner in which he was talking to me (he was talking directly to me) that made Time melt like a pad of butter. Just watch the video, you'll see.

take this figurative bridge on over to L & L!!!

here are Eddie's Five U's, in case the video doesn't convince you skeptical motherfuckers that you need to take your business to L & L:

-Unprecedented Service
-Unimpeachable Integrity
-Unparalleled Experience
-Uncontested Ability
-Unbending Reliability

***Alert***
Boom Boom Clap is proud to announce our first contest.
The first person to email us a complete written transcript of L & L's video wins a free gold* necklace.

email submissions to carlos.boomboomclap@gmail.com

*bbC reserves the right to interpret the word "gold" in anyway it deems fit to it's fiscal holdings. This includes, but is not limited to, metaphorical interpretations.

Dr. Sillynamenstein, phDoyoyoing

My doctor, Dr. Sillynamenstein, after my latest spell (an incident where I got so angry I leapt from my sitting position and hit the floor, instantly turning myself into a steamroller and attempted to steamroll anyone and anything that got into my way) has suggested to me that I take two of these in the morning (he handed me two banana peels) and call him in the morning (where he then handed me a fake cell phone that was filled with little gum-balls).

Dr. Sillynamenstein reminded me that "laughter is the best medicine" and that I should "turn that frown upside down". He then grabbed my crotch and said "honk! honk!"

I shoved him off me and balled up my fists. He stared at me for about half a minute as I tried to figure out if maybe I really was going insane visiting a doctor with the name Dr. Sillynamenstein and was more than likely, therefore, parked in a tow-away zone.

He continued to stare at me until he broke the silence by grabbing his own crotch and saying "honk! honk!".

We laughed and laughed for about an hour straight. And, although I do feel better, I think that maybe laughing for a whole hour with one Dr. Sillynamenstein is probably worth visiting a legitimate doctor for.

Nonetheless, I did some research on my angry steamroller condition online, and better yet, on Youtube. I found a man in Turkey who has the exact same problem, you guys! I'm not the only one!

check it out:

Jimmy from Craigslist sux, and a video

bbC here, y'all. Got something special for you today. A video. Count it down, Jimmy!

Jimmy? Hey, Jimmy? Jimmy, where you at? God damn Craigslist-hired Production Assistants. I guess I have to continue typing my own countdowns, for pete's sake. I mean, seriously, my own god damn countdowns! Jimmy, I'm gonna slice open your...

Jimmy? Thought I heard him come in. Jimmy? I need to put a cow-bell around his neck.

Note to self/Jimmy: forced cowbell usage on P.A.'s and sneaky people in my life, is this a good idea or just an old forgotten one/illegal one? Also, remember to ask Jimmy if he can hear my words as I type them. Is that a dumb question? Ask Jimmy.

Never mind, Here's a countdown brought to you by me, I guess.

5...

4...

3...

2...

1...

(Jimmy, this is where you would have cued the following: a flashing, break-neck quick montage of eons and eons of painful, screaming, violent, dripping, bloody, smelly, impossibly improbable evolution of life on earth, from soupy minerals and one-celled organisms all the way to a hairy caveman cramming seeds into soil with his beautiful opposable thumbs and a stick...but, you're not around, are you, Jimmy, you dick?)

blast off! (play video below as you say "blast off" to yourself)

We're just so tired, Honey.

Hey, okay, so...we've been lazy. We haven't been posting much lately. What can I say? Blame it on the drugs. Not my drugs, but your drugs. They suck.

Get new drugs and let me know when you're ready to be entertained. In the meantime, expect regular posting to begin again in two days.

thanks, Dad.

-bbC

We've gone corporate, dicks.

(Us pitching our ideas about graphs and how graphs can help express things)

Hey, mom and dad.

Sorry we haven't posted in a while. Capn Stubby and I have been a bit busy lately with some more commercial type work. So, I may not need you to lend me money again this month. But, don't hold me to that, god damn it. I'm your son.

anyway, check out this video of Dr. Strangelove and some muppies doing some Red Ingle:

here's a picture

Hey. No poems for you today. You dried me up, you smothered me with your readership.

So, I'm just gonna show you this picture (via our friends at PPP, some time ago) and hope that you'll think about what you've done with your life and if you'll ever have half the conviction that these gentlemen obviously had at some point in their lives:



Sure, laugh at them if you must. Go ahead. As you live your painfully self-scrutinized life, just remember that while you are really just too embarrassed to be alive, you really cant touch this.

Some Poems on the subject of Revenge

Dear Reader,

It's me, bbC. What up? Found some old poems I wrote a while back. They're pretty special to me. I hope you enjoy them:

Poem 1
You came to me in a dream.
Now I have a gun.
a gun.

Poem 2
The snow tastes like popcorn from ages past.
You pissed me off.
Now I have a machete.

Poem 2.5
Well, how the world spins,
Its days mocking our death, our birth.
Your death is more like it cause I'm gonna get some revenge.

Poem 3
Roasted Duck on Christmas Morning...
Never say "fuck you" to me when I'm driving, asshole

This is safe for your work if you work in Rape.

Rape is not funny.

Hi, I'm Boom Boom Clap.

I have a video for you today. I came across it on Youtube in the related videos section. It caught my eye because the title caused some difficulties in my brain. My brain, as you may assume, is made up of gears, cogs, springs and steam pipes. There was something about the video's title, Worst Gay Rape Scene Ever, that made one of my brain-springs go "boy-yoy-yoing", and one of the brain-gears went "koog koog koog" as its teeth skipped a cog and ground against another gear. This caused my brain-steam pipe to split and let out a whistle, "toooot!".

It's all very scientific, screw you.

NSFWIYDWIGR (not safe for work if you don't work in gay rape)

edit: It was late last night when I posted this. Upon a fresh new day, I'm thinking that I should tell you this is rather violent. Later on tonight I'll probably think it's funny again.

Inventions for the modern day, unsuspecting, sharp-shooter

Dear Jack Bauer,

I thought of an accessory for you. You know how sometimes you're, like, running out of time all the time? And, sometimes you sacrifice everything EVERYTHING GOD DAMN IT for the safety of hundreds/thousands/millions of innocent Americans, and then you find yourself behind a dumpster about to take out the terrorist/corrupted official, which you have in your gun sights, but then you hear a click-click, meaning someone has snuck up behind you? Sorry, I know you're probably running out of time. I'll get to the point.

Well, I think it would be neat if guns had a sort of rearview mirror attached to the side of them.

...that way, if you were pointing a gun at some bad guy, you could see if there was some other bad guy (one who was more than likely the least expected person you'd ever think to be the bad guy) who might be sneaking up behind you to put a gun to your head...or, at least pistol-whip you into unconsciousness.

Or, if you have all the time in the world...one could use their new gun-mirror to see how bad ass they look as they get ready to blow someone's brains out.

Just an idea for you kind of people who are always so unsuspecting all the damn time.

You're running out time,
Boom Boom Clap

Ain't no shame in my game, y'all.

bb Clap, here:

First off, motherfuckers, I just wanna give a shout out to all the people in the world.

Every single last one of you motherfuckers up in this bitch we call "Teh World'. Teh world is a big place, and I wanna shout out at it. I wanna shout things like "I'm shouting" to all y'all. When I say "shout", you say "ing".

Shout-ing!

Naw mean? Fuck you if you don't. Peace.

(edit: That was my lil bro, bbcjr. I told him I'd let him get his bleegspeezy (blogspot) on with me.)

anyway, I, too, wanna give a shout out to all teh people in teh world, all the people in the world who ain't go no shame in their game. Heroes, if you will. Not the kind you find on NBC, but the kind you find on YTB....or, "youtube".

"baby's mommas dancing for they babies" heroes:



"pleasantly psychotic hippie" heroes:
(thanks to my lil cousin Lucas for sending this my way)

Stroke me, stroke me.

My friend, Michael, in my opinion, is stuck in a dead end job. Shh...don't tell him I told you that. Michael is an excellent painter who doesn't paint enough anymore because he's too busy making mileage reports and other kinds of reporty reports. So, I stole a jpeg of one his paintings off his website and made him a GIF-animation to teach him a lesson. Buy some of his stuff, make him quit his shit job.

New Music Video from BoF

Birds, here, with a brand es-spanking new Video de Musica for you.

Our Mother-Ship, Birds On Fire Filmsmiths, has just released its newest effort, a music video for The Black and White Years. The track is called "Zeroes and Ones". Hope you like it:

to watch in HD, go here: HD Vimeo BWY's ZnO's


The Black and White Years - "Zeroes and Ones" from birds-on-fire films on Vimeo.


just some fun (or maybe lame, if you're gonna be a dick about it) facts:

-The Black and White Years are from our hometown of Austin, Texas. Their album, The Black and White Years LP, is available from Brando Records.
-We shot this video on our friends', Barney and Alison, free-range chicken farm, justly named Barnison Farm.
-This video marked a first for many things, but the most fun was that it was a first for most the band members to shoot a gun.
-Although we had to rely on some very nice animation from BoF member, Joe Nicolosi, a lot of the "glowing" fx were actually practical effects brought out by using E.L. Wire and Retro-Reflective paints, vinyl, and fabrics.
-Since Retro-Reflective materials require that you place a light source on the same plane and angle as your camera (in other words, right next to your camera) in order to reflect back at your camera and create a glow effect, BoF laid most their lights to rest for the farm shoot and went with a more "Cops" feel...using an on-board camera/light rig and lots of hand-held camera work.
-E.L. Wire and Retro-Reflective materials are not easy to work with, no sir. But, we plan on working with both on larger scales soon, yes mam.

Get Inside My Time Machine, Me.

Ah, the ol' time machine. Yeahhh, the ol' so and so.

MAMAHAWK here.

So, what would you do if you could travel back in time? 

I have a fantasy of sorts...a time travel fantasy, if you will. Yeah, I wanna travel back to when I first thought about posting this blog, and then hit on myself. You know, get "self aroused". I'd sneak up behind me and start rubbing my shoulders, because I know I had a rough day today, so I'm sure I would appreciate that. Now, the important question is, would that be considered gay? Like, you know, homosexual? You know what I'm sprayin??

Anyways, I imagine I'd take my shirt off and maybe put on a romantic record, like that new Diana Ross record I got at the thrift store. I might make light chit chat about that funny thing that happened at the gas station this morning, you know, just to break the ice with myself. The hard part would be to make myself laugh and loosen up, but I am quite the charmer, so I'd give myself a little time to warm up to myself. Oh, I have that secret bottle of Jamaican Rum I've been saving for a special occasion, maybe I could pour some in a glass with a few chunks of ice, a squirt of lime, and toss in a light snack. 

Then, I'd turn off the computer and tell myself to "just relax, it's just me...you". But the important part here is to determine whether or not this is gay. See, I wouldn't continue if I knew I was committing a deadly sin. That shit would suck so so bad. I really don't want to go to Hell, I think it would not be so cool.   

Oh, I just arrived, gotta go. I am looking really good, where did I get that tie? Oh that's right, Mom gave that to me for my birthday last year. I'll consider the gay issue tomorrow, for now, I just want a little "me time". 

So lol. 

-MAMAHAWK'D. 

(worse case scenario imagined below)

Tangenitilia: Cheesebeezy in Paradeezy

BB Clap, here.

First, check out Grafield:



Secondly, this is my first installment of what I'll call "bbC Tangenitilia" and which you will like.

Basically, it's just links to stuff all inspired from something I copy n' pasted from the original source that I originally wanted to post about. Originally. Here we go:

"A haunted hamburger tries to get the best of Garfield.

Jim Davis tribute set to MIDI version of "Cheeseburger in Paradise" by Jimmy Buffett."

-dang, that may have been a totally stupid idea. You're not gonna click all those links...albeit utterly interesting links at that.

Meet Conrad THE pipe smoker

Capn Stubby says "Buckle up folks." We've got a lot of material to cover today.

Conrad is an Argentinian man who enjoys a good pipe smoke.



He enjoys videoing himself in different outfits with different pipes. Then he uploads these videos to youtube.



Here he introduces a new pipe in Spanish and English.



Over 6000 videos on his youtube account.
6000 videos.



6000 videos in about 8 months. That's 25 videos a day.



Look Mom! Two at once!!!



Pipes and Cigars coexisting!


This is the kind of person my dad would somehow be friends with. And Conrad would talk my dad into coming over to his house in the evenings and playing backup piano for the music portion of his videos. And every time Conrad got a new pipe he'd bring it over to show off.

you WILL love me.

BB Clap, here: with yet another GIF-animation/ present for you, form of Valentine.





I'll get past this phase. It's just temporary. Just for now, can you let me have this?

I want to make gifs, get off my back, Dad.

you think you know Germans.

bbC here:

Did you accidentally click on a link that brought you to yet another blog?

fuckin gross. Blogs are the worst.

But, wait. Before you go, can I interest you in something wonderful? Something special? Something insanely and daringly teetering on the brink of drama and comedy? Please, lift that finger off your mouse clicker. Just...hear me out. Look, you need to see this video. I found it somehow on Youtube a while back and I can't get it out of my head. This is the stuff of nightmares.

this is the stuff of dreams.

this is the stuff. It gets good after a minute and some change, so be patient.

Today's STABBING brought to you by the letters M and E.

bbC here, dudes.

So, three things:

1) I'm really pissed off at everyone in the whole world and I need a good Flea Market knife that is as close to 360 degrees of brutal stabbyness without being a gay Chinese Star (you kids call them Ninja Stars) or even the dreaded Chinese Star of David (the Kosher Killer from the East).

2) I want to develop a kid's show where I put animated cartoon eyes on the nearest thing next to me while I'm developing said show.

3) I'm really into making animated GIF's these days.

edit: I'm just now realizing that this post title is very similar to the one CAPN STUBBY posted yesterday. Maybe I'm in love with him. I hope not.

P is for Pretentious

CAPN STUBBY, here:



Paste Magazine is showcasing "An Indie Rock Alphabet Book"

You know, for kids.

I guess it's a little strange that Pearl Jam is in there, and Radiohead too really. The other bands seem to have more indie street cred.

The art is kinda cool though. The caricatures of each band member are so simplified that the only way to tell them apart is the haircuts. Which makes complete sense.

...by day he's a mild mannered stand up comic

Terry Braverman kills for your corporate functions. Watch as your sales, and your teamness go right through the roof.

12:00 12:00 12:00, etc...

Birds, here.

this means nothing.

just wanted to see it.

so, there it is.

-anyway, that reminded me of this other lil thing that I made once as a lil tribute to the ending of The Catcher in the Rye. Then, that reminded me of this Bodi Bill song that I really like. Check it:

	bodi-bill-i-like-holden-claufield.mp3
	Found at skreemr.com

-Or, via their pretty cool vid for the song on vimeo.

CAPN STUBBY here:

I really like the Andy Griffith Show. It's solidly written television and if you don't like it, then I'm going to go ahead and make a judgment about your private life.

I think I like this video.

You're just a Country Dream, IMO.

Hi, my little Country Dreams. Birds-on-Fire, here:

Since bbC has posted some longerish posts these last couple of days, I'll just leave you with some shawties.

-Been really digging the music from French dudes, I Love UFO...via these other dudes.

This I <3 UFO video has been out for a while, but it didn't really get much of wide release. So, here you go...

(pardon the very short, but annoying Daily Motion Ad at the beginning...they gotta pay their bills somehow, I guess...and it's the best quality embed I could find)

-I Love UFO "Like in the Movies" Music Video by Antoine Carlier

Like in the movie - I LOVE UFO
by RECORDMAKERS

-and, as a bonus, I've included another music video (per Mamahawk's request) for you to get stuck in your head and hum all day long. This one by my main man, TAMECHI.

edit: Tamechi, as well as being a singer/performer is also a fashion designer and hair stylist who has been around a while. According to his myspace, he invented Hammer Pants! What a country dream.

Hasta la vista, Clever Post-Title Generating Robots.

bbC here, y'all.

So, here's just a short one for you snapperwhippers, I'm just gonna give you two MP3's to listen to, so keep reading. I know you're really busy working at a job that requires skills that will do you absolutely no good, and are in fact probably counter-productive, ironically, towards your survival in the event of the apocalypse you so secretly burn for.

you:


With that, I must mention the Christian Bale mp3 that I'm sure made its way into your life yesterday. If not, here it is:

Xtian Bale Xplicit Motivational Speech MP3

in short, Bale got into it with the D.o.P. of the new Terminator sequel and said "fuck" more than once.

Anyway, another mysterious Bale recording has surfaced in my Inbox this morning. The sender was addressed as "the_future_sucks@thefuture.killyou".

The Future is so gay.

Here's the recording of John Connor/Bale/T3000. Apparently, a Christian Bale Cyborg/stunt-double had an altercation with the Cinematographer-Cyborg on the Cyborg Set about some cyborg stuff.

Terminator IV vs. Cinematographerborgtron MP3

My favorite part about the whole thing is that with as intense as he was, and as ripped as we know he is, at moments he sounds like he for sure has tears in his eyes. Reminds me of this kid I was friends with growing up that would cuss and yell at his parents to show how tuff he was, but his voice would start to crack and he'd start to cry...and then his Dad would wink at me as if to say "Look at this fucking pussy you hang out with".

Also, I like the way he says "Idear" when saying "idea"...makes it endearing, (non-intentional pun...is that a pun?)

Well, that does it for me. I gotta go to the Future. It's always about the Future all the time.

p.s. That was not short at all, was it? What the hell time is it? 5 am? Get outta here with that 5 am stuff.

Personalized Hate Mugs

boom boom clap here, with another sweet ass gift for you:

Personalized mugs.

Didn't invent them, just wanna improve them.



Sometimes a mug that says your buddy's name with a Six Flags logo underneath it just isn't enough. Sometimes you want to not necessarily tell your friend where you've been and that you were thinking about them, but rather, that no matter where you've been, you kinda think they're pretty much a dick.

or a piece of shit, or a total cunt.

So...there you go.

I guess my gift to you isn't really concrete, it's just an idea...you'll have to execute it yourself. Go to the mall, find a kiosk that personalizes stuff, pick a friend, personalize some hate. I do it all the time. Here's the latest thing I designed at the local mall's personalized-merch kiosk:

(note: we didn't get past the designing phase...the Kiosk guy apparently didn't have time for my "faggoty bull-mess")

"Sing that shit then, lady", said Ms. Couric, beligerantly.

Birds-on-Fire here:

not sure how to do this blog thing without cheating...in that, I guess blogging is all about checking out websites/pop culture and yoinking cool shit from other people's property (OPP).

So, anyway, from perhaps my favorite (or most-visited daily) site, Antville, comes this pleasant piece of pie (PPOP). If I were a solid asshole, I'd say that this tickled me with delight. I'm/it's close.


-composed by Henry Hey, who can be found by following yet another link.

-Bush-whacked
-more Palin

Who brought Sizzurp onto the time-machine? Bobby?

bbC here:

yup.


Young MC "Slowest Rhyme (Bobby Birdman Remix)" from wyldfile on Vimeo.

-check out the original, sans codeine.

-more bobby birdman.

-sizzurp fireside chats

Seriously, what's up, FatLip?

Birds-on-Fire, y'all:

So, that NASA video we posted yesterday left me with a hankerin' for some more Fatlip. Or, rather, made me miss the video below, directed by Spike Jonze (I'd provide a link to Jonze, but you know who he be), who, incidentally, is the brother of one of the dudes from afore-mentioned NASA. Eh? It all goes round and round and round and round...and round.

Also, couldn't find a better version of this video, so I apologize for the shiteness quality. Never mind, AOL had a better version than Youtube...and from what I remember, this vid was shot on mini-DV, so I assume the quality can't get too much better.

Fatlip "What's up, Fatlip?":

edit: I just realized that this AOL version, although of better quality than Youtube, is fucking edited. Sorry about that. Still, as a music video director, I gotta go with better resolution.

Watch more Yahoo! Music videos on AOL Video

If you haven't seen the Documentary by Jonze called "What's up, Fatlip?", you should most def check it out. And, not online in crappy little Youtube chunks, either.

anyway, here's some crappy little Youtube chunks: